Well, please stop asking this FUCKIN’ question…
Work, work, work… It’s all about work, everywhere and everytime. I’m sure there will be several people not liking this post or having a complete opposite opinion about the stuff I am about to write down. That’s fine. This is just my fundamental attitude and also one of the roots of my condition and situation right now. I feel like the system does not really care if you are better, it’s just interested in you being able to work again. Because then you are no burden for it and the society anymore, right? “We will help you to do all that’s necessary that you feel better.” actually means “We will try everything to get your ass to work again, because we don’t want to pay you anything anymore. Oh and once you work again you obviously have to pay insurance fees again :)” Well fuck that, man! The only question I heard in the last couple of months was “Is there a plan or a date when you start to go back to work?”. No “how are you?” or “do you want to do the same job again?” or “what do you actually want to do?”. It’s just assumed that I accept the world and the system and go back to my job eventually continue to live this pathetic and boring life. Did I have a choice to live in this system and society? I don’t think so.
Wake up – get ready – go to work like a puppet among all the other puppets – go home somewhen after +8 hours – have a few hours of “free time” – go to sleep – repeat.
Think about it and do the math: a day has 24 hours, you sleep for about ~8 hours (not everybody sleeps that long but it fits for my example), everything regarding work takes about 10 hours (8 hours of actual work time, 0,5-1 hour of travel to and from work , 0,5 hours of breaktime and the time from waking up to stepping out the door in the morning 0,5-1 hour), that means you have roughly 6 hours of “free time” a day. I put the free time in “” because cleaning, doing groceries, going to doctors, some responsibilities, etc. are included in there. So you often have less than 6 hours for the stuff you actually want to do.
I don’t know what you guys think about that but I think this is crazy. Why would I want to live this forced, boring and repetitive life? Why exist at all when you have to do something you don’t want to do the majority of your life? Oh and please don’t come up with something like “a job is good for you, it gives you structure in life, bla bla”. This is bullshit. If you can’t structure your life, weeks or days without an external force or entity telling you exactly what to do and when to do it, you have a problem in my opinion. Don’t get me wrong, it feels good to have something to work on and progress (I just realized it with this blog and with me starting to stream on twitch.tv) but there’s a difference between something you are voluntarily doing because it gives you a good feeling or because it excites you and something you have to do 8 hours a day to not die or live a miserable life under a bridge.
Some of you probably think now “Dude, when you hate the ‘normal’ work routine and 9to5 life then simply don’t do it and just make money with what you love. You can do what you want nowadays.” Well… Firstly, the things I like to do normally have no value for anyone else but me. So how should I make money with it? Secondly, there’s a significantly higher risk when trying to do that. Meaning if it takes a while to build you have to work something else and that means you do the shitty work to finance your dream of the “good” work without even knowing if it’s worth it. That’s fucked up imo. Thirdly, when you must do the stuff you like every day to survive I don’t know if it’s that amazing anymore. Just the thought of I have to do this now every day to get money, to pay rent and groceries, to live essentially… is frightening.
Despite all that I just started to try to make money with my own stuff with streaming on twitch.tv/mrluukyy. Besides that, I have other things in mind that I want to do. Why? You may ask. Well, the reason is simple. This is the only way I can imagine my future life without having the immediate urge to vomit and/or jump out of my window. So it’s basically one tiny rope I am holding myself onto right now. If this rope tears, I don’t know what I’m gonna do.
Also, I don’t get why work is always a huge subject in the society. It’s always one of the first things you get asked – or get judged by. “Oh this man is 50 and still works at the counter in the grocery store? I don’t like him, he is not ambitious and does not want to achieve anything in life.” Yeah maybe he doesn’t… So? Maybe he values free time over money, power and standing? You thought about that? Besides that there could be a million reasons why he works there. Officially every person’s value is the same but we all know that’s not true, sadly. If you don’t have a “good” job you are not worth much apparently. I don’t get this and it makes me sick. This endless talk about ambition and achieving stuff. We should not judge or rank people depending on their jobs or ambition(s), we shouldn’t judge them at all. And if we do judge people than please how people treat other people and not what they do for a living.
I guess that was quite a rant about work, the system and society but I needed to write this down somewhere. Maybe, deep down, some people think the same or at least similar. If not, then my feeling of being different and not belonging here is confirmed.
As always I appreciate you reading this and please feel free to share this blog if you think it is of value to someone.
Peace!
Gaming, Depression & other stuff 